Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Family PACE: Purpose

If we are going to run the marathon of raising and educating our kids - we need some type of map.  At one time the map was to go to the school near you.  If you wanted, you might have picked your district to get a better school. The landscape has significantly changed.  Many choices have been introduced - but how do we make the ones that are right for us and our family.  If you don't know where you are going then it doesn't matter which road you take.  However, having a purpose or goal (even if it is somewhat nebulous) can help set you on the right road, doing the best you can with what you know. 


Spoiler Alerts


1.  You can't see the end from the beginning - but you can set out in the best direction.  The high school I graduated from didn't exist when I started kindergarten (plus we moved).  You just don't know what will happen on the path of life.

2.  There are limitations.  Yes, sorry to say that finances, family situations, distance, moves and real life will limit you. I don't think it is a bad thing - but in the moment it can be frustrating.  It can also encourage some creativity.

3.  Things change.  Sometimes your purpose shifts as you learn more about yourself and your kids.  Life altering craziness happens!  At times it makes us stick to our guns and other times it causes us to totally rethink our path.  Either one is okay!   Our goal is to be reflective - not perfect. 

4.  Perfection doesn't exist.  There will be compromises and considerations to make.  These exercises help you find a best fit.

5.  This is hard.

Purpose 

First, I encourage you to get a few sheets of paper or some pages in a journal or something similar.  You want to keep what you are creating as a reference so that you can refine it as you think about it more.

Today, let's consider our purpose - that long term vision. Why are we even entering into the world of choice for our child's education?  What do we hope these choices will do for our children?  Why are we stressing?    

Brainstorming for Purpose 


Exercise 1 - The Graduation Speech

Imagine you are throwing a high school graduation party for your child.  You have the opportunity to speak about what he has accomplished and to invite those who have been important in his life.  What do you hope to be able to say about his educational experiences to this point?  What has it equipped him to do? Where do you hope he is heading next? Who do you want to be there celebrating with you (types of people are fine - mentor, teachers from school, coaches, friends,)?   This is a brainstorming list - there is no wrong answer and you should write everything down. Yes, write it down.  

If your kids are young, it can be hard to see all the way to graduation. That's fine. Instead, reflect on their 5th grade or 8th grade "graduation".  What do you hope they will have experienced, participated in, enjoyed at that stage? 

Exercise 2 - The 20 something reflection 

This is an exercise that I found in Sarah Mackenzie's Teaching From Rest book club video entitled "Curriculum is not something you buy".  Even if you aren't homeschooling, her perspective is helpful as we consider being educational managers - because we all manage our child's education - that's what school choice is all about.  Her suggestion is to imagine that you are a fly on the wall when your child is 20 something with her friends.  What do you want her to tell her friends about her educational experience?   What emotions, people, topics, experiences do you hope that she talks about?  What would sadden your heart to hear?  If you have younger kids you might try to think about them as high schoolers reflecting on what was most helpful in elementary and middle school - that might be a stretch but . . . Again, we are brainstorming here so anything that comes to mind is fair game and write it down.

These activities help you get to the heart of your hopes for education - this is the ideal end goal (we will deal with reality soon enough!).  Honestly, many of us are still in the early stages of this process and our kids won't remember the details of the decisions we make. They will more likely remember their emotions, friendships and maybe some key habits and skills they started building.  So our question is a bit more complicated as we figure out how to best equip our young ones because we are thinking what foundation will help our child the most. 

That's the long term vision.  You are entering into the world of school choice because you are aiming at something!  You now have a lot of words and emotions that help you think about what is really important to you (and your spouse) as you educate your child.  If your child is older you should ask them to share their thoughts about these issues as well. 

The Big Picture and the Slogan


Now comes the difficult part.  This is going to sound a little crazy - but bear with me.  Draw a person (stick figure is fine).  Now add details to your picture - symbols, words and phrases, colors, instruments, sports equipment, add other people to the picture, their dreams, etc - to help you imagine what they will have gained, learned and grown through their educational process.  You are creating your dream graduate; while considering your family and child's bent. It is fine if some of these things aren't even school related - include it. We aren't looking for artistic genius - just some creative juices flowing.  If your child is old enough, have them draw their own picture.  If you have multiple children you might want to create one picture for each child.  They are ALL different.  


If you have young children, you should draw a picture of what you hope they look like at 6th or 7th grade.  What fundamentals have they conquered by that time?  What kind of experiences have they had?  Do they have interests?  What role does that play in their life? In many situations, a whole new set of educational options open up between 7th and 9th grade.  What does their foundational education look like and equip them to do during the "second phase"? 


After you have made your picture, we can go to the next step.  (You did make a picture - right??  Seriously, drawing helps you think differently).   See if you can boil what you see down into a phrase or sentence that embodies what you really hope for.  If you are wordy it can be a bit longer but try to be short.  Basically you want to create a guiding slogan or phrase for your educational hopes.  It doesn't have to be original; but, it does have to fit your child and your family.  It might not be any one thing on the page- but just an overall idea or feeling. Are you willing to have a different slogan for each child or should your family have a unified slogan?  This is important to consider.   
 
Congrats - you have found your purpose. You have a picture of what you hope all of this educational choice will accomplish in your child's life.  Hopefully, you even have a catch phrase that can help you remember where you are really going.   

Closing Thoughts 

I made this process seem easy, but it can be tough.  For many of us, education is like our credit card statement - it reveals what is most important to our hearts. This is our child's future we are holding in our hands!!  It is not easy.  Often, we need to deal with our own past issues (failures and successes) with schooling so that we can see clearly for our children's future.  Take time, do it now.  We'll wait!! 




Please don't let your fear motivate your child's future.  Be the adult and deal with that!

Put your picture (even if it looks like a Picasso - ha ha) and your phrase somewhere that helps you think about it - maybe your journal or tape it to your mirror.  Sit with it for a while.  Change it if you realize something new.  This is a journey and a process but you have to start somewhere and now you have begun.

Our next post will discuss priority.  What are the key things we are looking for in education?  Our purpose focuses on the big picture and priorities help us think about some of those destinations on the road to our best hope.   Don't lose your brainstorm sheets, picture or phrase - you will need them!!  See you on Saturday.

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

School Choice and Finding your family PACE


 


The time is upon us!  In our area the lotteries have opened for all of the charter schools.  Enter STRESS!

What should I do?
What will be best for my kids?
What can I afford?
How far am I willing to drive?
Who is my community?
How important is this choice?
It's now or never - right?
What philosophy is right?
Bilingual or not? 

There are some big decisions to make.  Once we choose other options begin to die.  The root of decide - is cide - to die.  It feels like LIFE and DEATH! 

LET'S ALL BREATHE!!

This is an invitation to consider what really matters. What does education mean to you?  How will that be accomplished? Who are your kids and what is best for them?  What are your family needs? 

I have passed through this decision process with my own kids and many friends for almost a decade.  I hope that this series can help take FEAR out of the equation.  I don't believe there is one "right" solution for every family.  I also know that even the "best" situation will have its compromises and issues.  We are looking for the BEST fit - not perfection.

Step 1 is to STOP COMPARING and wondering what the neighbors are doing. By focusing on your long term goals and building on your family strengths and interests you can begin to make a map that can help bring your family peace.  Education is a LONG TERM process and getting worn out at the beginning will not help you make it to the end. This is a marathon, not a sprint.

Over the next few weeks we are going to talk about finding your family PACE.  Working from your strengths, abilities and choices to find what is best for THIS SEASON.  The "right" answer is the one that brings your family peace.  We can all use more of that. 

Next week we will be looking at the first P - Purpose.  Begin thinking about what education has meant for you and your family in the past.  What do you want it to mean for your children?  Are education and school the same thing? What is the right role for each for your family?  Those are just a few questions to get you started!