I know kids need repetition and predictability, but I really didn't want to do it. I started out decently with a simple rhythm because my friends recommended The Baby Whisperer, even I could keep that going (the jury is still out on some of her sleep advice). Too early, I allowed content, information and experience to be more important than being with my kids and embodying a thoughtful rhythm and pace of life.
I should have intentionally established a family rhythm. I had hints of this (or whole books on the topic), but to me it sounded boring and mundane and hard. Well, it is. It requires discipline and wisdom. I didn't fully grasp how the ordinary creates order and peace and security for kids to thrive. That's why they love Mr. Roger's Neighborhood - right? It is possible that some of my kids' craziness is because they were missing the grounding that predictability provides. I had read this quote and even underlined it - but not fully grasped the depth of what it was saying.
“Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, "Do it again"; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, "Do it again" to the sun; and every evening, "Do it again" to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.”My kids needed me to be "boring" with them and delight in that. The adult thing to do is to set and keep an easy, comfortable pattern to our day for their sake. I glossed over rhythms and routines for the more "important" information and experience opportunities. I didn't slow down enough to give them time to practice these habits and make them their own. In my rush, we missed so much. They need days when "hurry up" is not the primary phrase they hear. They need time to be still, be bored, be kids. I had more margin than many, but still wasn't considering their little people needs first.
― Orthodoxy
A bit of this difficulty is personality - I am an extrovert and I need people. I am also a person who likes to leave things open and try different ways - routine is HARD for me. Honestly though, most of it was a restlessness in me. A sense of me not being enough for them, so I need to expose them to more, do more, be more. On the flip side, I also wanted to be seen in the world and continue to make an impact and be somebody. I wanted to keep using my skills and talents in ways that seemed more "important" than just being at home. I was double minded and it caused confusion for everyone. I should have given my kids the gift of dying to myself and laying down what I wanted for what they needed - for a season. If I was going to do it I needed to commit to it. They needed formative patterns and I was focused on the head knowledge, external busyness and curriculum.
There is a balance to be struck in all of this - of course. I am trying to really enjoy the everydayness of "the wiping stage" (as one friend calls it - she has 8 kids) with my youngest. I am much more aware that my sense of pace, urgency, fretfulness and restlessness is being caught. My kids feel the discord when my words and actions aren't aligning. I know I was thrown off by real life - moves, job changes, babies, sickness and all the rest. For each new season, I should have made creating a workable rhythm a top priority. Often instead of choosing what was best for us, I let other's schedules and needs dictate our pace. I see now that creating our rhythm first provides a steadiness and reduces stress and decision fatigue. I undermined the whole education process by focusing on information, experience, busyness and people pleasing instead of formation and the needs of my own kids. How you do it, the form, really does count.
My other confessions can be found here.
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