Misunderstanding Comfort

I have been thinking about comfort recently.  I have known many people who need comfort - sickness, death, bad news in general, tough times.  Today, I realized my struggle with comfort.  I have confused the verb with the noun. 

The verb comes from the Latin word for "strength".  From the 1828 dictionary it means "to strengthen, to invigorate, to cheer and enliven". 

The noun means "relief from pain; ease; rest or moderate pleasure after pain, cold or distress or uneasiness of body".  The second definition explains how this can also apply to mental anguish.  Often we really are aiming at being comfortable again, "being in a state of ease or moderate enjoyment". 

Do you see the problem? 

Often when I try to "comfort" people I think my goal is to help return them to that state of ease or rest.  Well, you can't go back.  It makes me think of Job's friends, whom he chastises:

"I have heard many things like these;
     you are miserable comforters, all of you!
Will your long winded speeches never end?
     What ails you that you keep on arguing?"    Job 16:1 -2

Remember, the best thing Job's friends did was show up and BE QUIET with him in his misery.  It was when they started talking that all of these unhelpful things spewed forth. 

When we truly speak comfort we need to be giving people the courage and strength they need to bear under their new circumstances.   Focusing on the why me? if only? should I have? don't bring comfort.  Neither does blame, shame or guilt.  There is room for Godly repentance (depending on the circumstances) but it is the Holy Spirit who brings conviction - that's not your job. 

What is our role then?  Comforting people means that they leave with a renewed strength and faith in God.  They are reminded that He never leaves us or forsakes us. That in their weakness, he will show up, be faithful, love them, lead them, care for them and be bigger than they are.  It isn't our timetable or our path - it is learning to walk in step with Him.

At the end of the passage Job reveals the best thing we can do.

My intercessor is my friend, as my eyes pour out tears to God;
on behalf of a man he pleads with God as one pleads for a friend.   Job. 16:21

The intercessor is the one who moves or passes between two people - who mediates.  A good friend takes us to Jesus when we can't get there ourselves.  A good friend cuts a hole in a roof so that you can get close to Jesus.  Praise God if you have friends who will stop at nothing to help you see Jesus (even if you end up in a sycamore tree).  He can forgive sin and heal every hurt.

We live on the other side of the cross so we have this comfort - Jesus is interceding for us.  Beyond that, we are promised that "the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans."  Romans 8:26 

If you are at the wordless groaning stage - know that you are not alone.  Remember, one of the names for the Holy Spirit is the Comforter. 

If we truly want to comfort others, let us give them the strength to face whatever is up ahead.  Remembering their comfortable life or trying to return there too quickly (or ever) will do nothing to help them in their current place of pain. Let us lean into intercession, trusting that bringing our friends to Jesus will bring them the comfort they need to walk the road ahead.  Pray for them and mean it!