Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Family PACE: Atmosphere

Last week we tackled PURPOSE and PRIORITY.  This created an ideal framework for your child's education. We made some tough decisions (uh oh - things had to die) as we developed a picture of what you hope your educated child will be like, a slogan/ motto or mission statement and a few priorities.   We can't have it all, but when we intentionally pursue what is most important; we might end up with more than we expected.  Today we are going to move from the ideal to the practical.

First, a little sociology.  Bowling Alone was an influential book that discussed social groups and their impact on us (full disclosure- I have not read this whole book).  In the book, the author argues  that we can only maintain 3 social networks at a time.  As adults, typically, this is our work, home and one other (athletics, church, Kiwanis, etc.).  For children the three areas are often: home, school and an activity.  Now, I have tried to maintain many more than this number, it doesn't work long term!  So, first thing, you can only handle so many activities and social groups- well - at once.     

From this, I think we can safely say we have three avenues to help us achieve our mission and fulfill our educational priorities:

Atmosphere - roughly your home and family life
Academics  - the schooling option your child participates in
Activities - that "3rd area" of life - whether it is an extracurricular at school, special lessons, your church, athletics, service club, etc.

Even if we are limited by location, jobs, school districts, etc. in our "educational" choices - we always have choices within our own home. I think once our child hits school age we think of the schools and activities providing the bulk of our child's education.  However, most of what they become is caught not taught and much of that is from you - their parents.  You are their educational manager.  How are you using these three areas to support your priorities and goals for them?

Today, I just want to focus on atmosphere in the home.    

Atmosphere is really about the feel, priorities and habits of your home.  Reality check - how is your home atmosphere contributing to your priorities and ultimate goals?  Do you give time, money, resources and invest in the things that you have identified as priorities?  I will use some ridiculous exaggerations to help you identify a mismatch of atmosphere and priorities.

  • Someone who claims bilingual education is a priority but never speaks, listens to or attempts to read the second language in the home.  Guess what really happens in that atmosphere?              
  • "Passing on your faith" might be your priority.  If you don't read, pray or follow many of the traditions of your faith; your atmosphere isn't supporting that pursuit.  Your third "community" might be your church, but your home life isn't instilling basics of the faith.   What are your children really being taught in this situation?         
  • Another family hopes to instill a "family first" feel in their children.  However, they rarely have dinner together, haven't taken a vacation together in years and generally allow children to choose and follow their own passions - even if that means no one is ever home together. You may be saying "family first" but your lifestyle screams "pursue your own dream". 
  • Maybe, you want your children to love reading.  However, by the end of the day it is easier for everyone to spend time in front of a screen.  You might read a book together to complete their homework; but, there aren't any family read alouds.  Your children rarely see you reading a book.  Are your actions promoting a love of reading?  

You get the point. Your home life - atmosphere - is the area you have the MOST control over.  Are you using it to help your child's education?

Another consideration is what things MUST be learned in the home?  Basic life skills like cooking, cleaning and mowing the lawn are part of family life.  Is your child learning these things?  Maybe you didn't even think about the everyday skills as a part of their education - but they aren't taking home ec and shop these days- that falls on you (or the activities you choose).  Are you giving them time to learn these skills?  

Okay, look back at those priorities from last week. Get out another sheet of paper and fold it into fourths.  Draw a capital letter T in each of the sections.  In the top left quadrant write your #1 priority above the line at the top of the T.  Now, on the left side of that line list the things that you are CURRENTLY doing in your family to support that goal.  On the right side, BRAINSTORM thoughts about what you could be doing to move towards that priority. Once you have worked through that priority, write your next priority in the T in the upper right hand quadrant and do the same.  Continue until you have covered all the priorities you want to consider.  You might want to add a "life skills" section for yourself - it wasn't a priority for a school based education - but if we are considering all of life - you need to include it.  Wow!! You have lots of ideas about how you already are supporting your priorities and ways you can be more intentional. 
 

I have no desire to create extra "to dos" in your day.  Honestly, my hope is to free you from the tyranny of suggestions. Instead of trying to chase after every good idea that comes your way, choosing some basic family habits and practices tied to your priorities and goals can multiply your time and impact. Celebrate the ways you are already being intentional and be thoughtful about what you add (or subtract) from your day.

Please remember that little by little lays a better foundation.  It is nice to have those great memorable experiences (vacations, special events, holidays), but I am talking more about daily living together.  We also start optimistic and want to do it all at once (at least I do). As you look at your T-charts you might be a bit overwhelmed.  I encourage you to pick ONE priority and ONE brainstorm idea and add it to your schedule this MONTH.  YES, that simple.  If you add one new habit, pattern or change a month you will have built 12 new ways of interacting directly tied to your educational goals in a year!   You can also build on your success and celebrate doing one thing well, instead of getting lost in too much change. Here are some quick thoughts:

  • Read a chapter a day (or even a week) of a book for fun 
  • Speak in a foreign language during dinner (or if your kids are young, during bath time)
  • Carve out a consistent time to practice athletic skills/ conditioning, instrument, writing, art, etc.
  • Pick a place to serve as a family once a month.  
  • Walk around the block as a family a few times a week. 
  • Make a "homework" space that serves your child's needs or that supports his interests/ hobbies
  • Commit to dinner together a certain number of times a week 
  • Create an "art" space in your house with supplies
  • Draw or color while listening to music one night a week before bed - everyone 
  • Cook one meal a week together
  • Turn off the radio or TV in the car and talk - even just one day a week 
  • Set up an interview with someone in a subject area she enjoys
  • Listen to an educational podcast or book on CD or streamed in the car  
  • Set up that "launch" pad area to help everyone get ready for school 
  • Teach your child how to use a calendar or day planner to schedule their life (11 yo and above) 
  • Find ways to host friends at your house regularly
  • Make it a habit to look up questions when they arise
  • Listen to questions and ask more questions in response 

Be creative as you consider ways to encourage your educational goals in the home.  Much of education is about formation - not just information.  The work, conversation and expectations in your home are formative and your child learns patterns of being from living in your home. Take this week to explore how your family habits and routines are supporting your priorities and goals.  Admittedly, your home can't do it all - so that's why we will talk about academics and activities next time. 

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