Confessions: Not inviting Dad

Throughout this series I have gotten many encouragements from friends and family.  I appreciate that.  I know that our time was a sowing season and that it won't come back void.  However, I have spent many years showing off the roses and daises (or at least my ponderings on such things) and not always talked about the hard stuff.  God has been gracious and gently led me into this new season.  I felt it was only honest to share about the reason for the transition in the hopes that it would help others. 

As I continue to reflect on "what should have been" in our homeschool I regret my attitude towards my husband.  Often I sent out a "don't even question me" vibe that made it difficult for us to really partner together in our children's education.  He was always supportive and wanted to help but I wasn't receptive or aware of how to include him well. 

My husband often deferred to me in curriculum decisions because of the inordinate amount of time I spent researching it.  His vote of confidence was encouraging, but it also quickly ended our educational conversations. He trusted me - but I wanted him to be involved - sort of.   Often, if he did offer an opinion I quickly explained how hard that was or how it wasn't in keeping with our philosophy or some other excuse. He learned that I wasn't really going to listen anyway.  In some ways, I unconsciously felt like his questioning and wondering was a personal attack on my abilities as a teacher and mom.  It wasn't.  However, when you start confusing your identity with your activity - trouble ensues.  So, he just let me do what I wanted and on occasion would read aloud to the kids.  As my oldest got older I asked his dad to get more involved.  He tried to help but I still micromanaged.  It wasn't helpful.  I needed to give him space to interact and share who he is and what he knows with our kids.

I was asking my husband to participate in the wrong way. I may have know quite a bit about curriculum, but my husband knows much more about boys.  I have three of them.  I should have asked him more about what he saw in the boys and how they were acting.  How much of this is normal boy behavior and where should we draw the line?  What are the skills and strengths that he sees in them?  They are also his children and he had opinions but I often didn't seek them.  When I did ask, it was a precursor to me airing my own opinions and concerns.  I wasn't listening and so he didn't really speak.  Now that the boys are in school he is going to their teacher conferences and we won't get the homework done without his help!  There is a clear role for him to play. 

Instead of talking with my husband about educational ideas I would talk with friends, write on the blog or generally skip him.  I shouldn't have bored him with the details, but I should have shared the highlights.  My conversations helped me grow deeper with my friends, get their insights and find support.  I cut off this opportunity with my husband and it was both of our loss.  It's fine to chat with friends but in ADDITION to talking with my husband.  He would ask, but I would dismiss his interest. 

I failed to invite my husband into our homeschool life and make him feel welcome.  Instead of building a full family culture, I created a bit of a wedge.  It wasn't his fault, it was mine.  I couldn't handle the questions and the possibility I was doing it wrong - pride and confusion.  He probably could have grounded me and helped me prioritize - if I would have allowed it. Thankfully, he is patient and kind and willing to try again. 

Here are my other confessions.