Last time I talked about how information isn't the same as formation for our children. If you look through this blog I think that you will see JUST HOW MUCH information I took in. Of studying and learning there is no end!
I was in search of the perfect curriculum combination that would magically meet all of our needs. Here is a list of the programs we have done in our 12 years of schooling:
- Created our own homebased Montessori-ish coop (when my oldest was 1 yo)
- That coop morphed into a church based Montessori, music, play coop (did that on and off for 4 years)
- Bible Study Fellowship for a year
- Attended a week long training for the AMO program led by the lady who wrote the history part of the Principle Approach
- I dabbled with Ambleside for a year (or more - it all blends together)
- Spent a year as a Montessori teaching assistant (under the tutelage of a couple who had done Christian Montessori for 30 years)
- My oldest spent 1 1/2 years at a local preschool - morning 2 days a week
- My second spent 1 year as a 4 yo at a local preschool - 2 days a week
- Speech therapy (2 hours a week for a year)
- Classical Conversations - Foundations - 3 years - I always helped in the littlest class
- The CommonPlace - the coop my friends and I put together for ourselves - leaned CMish - 2 years
- Artios - an integrated history, English, drama, music and art program. I have taught history there 3 out of the last 4 years
- Community Bible Study - Not exactly an academic coop but it served as a great homeschool community for us - 1 year
- I also taught Christian Education at our church for about 5 years
This doesn't include the 1 or 2 park days we had a week. Most years we were in at least two coop settings. CRAZY!!
Although we were enrolled in these programs and many of them provided a curriculum, that didn't stop me from researching and trying to implement more. Beyond curriculum I also spent hours (weeks, months) reading and listening to podcasts about education and philosophy of education. One friend commented I was the least stay at home mom that he knew. Another claims I have a self taught PhD in curriculum and education design. With all these resources and knowledge - why did we drop out?
Even though I would explain to you that the curriculum was not the main thing, my life told a different story. I was expecting a curriculum to teach itself and fix all the problems. It can't.
Once I had personally studied a topic I felt like we had "learned" it. I am NOT the primary student though - my kids are. I needed to actually TEACH them the subject matter. The early grades involve a lot of skill building - handwriting, reading, adding, etc. This requires time and repetition. I am not the best coach and I didn't realize just how much my kids needed consistent short practice and clear models. In the end, the early years (5 through 8ish) are primarily about being a great coach or tutor to your child (pick a math and reading curriculum and DO IT daily bit by bit). I was encouraged to read a book by many older homeschool moms that advocated this method in 2011 (the 3Rs). I read it and dismissed it as too simple, I was homeschooling so we could do more. I wanted to move on to ideas and discussions and the "fun stuff" of teaching. Instead of tutoring my kids in skills, I hoped they would pick them up along the way so that we could do the stuff that I enjoy. I was selfish. I didn't help build a ladder of success for them rung by rung - I hoped they would just jump up the ladder and join me at the top. They are doing fine - but I could have been much more helpful in the process. They do need the "riches", but at that age they also need practice and skill building.
I also lived with the fear that I was missing out on another method, idea or plan that would be just a little bit better (did I mention the file cabinet of Latin curriculum I own) and offer more security. I love to research and that's what I did to no end (pretty much literally). I wanted a plan that would ensure success and so I kept looking.
So, while I was desperately looking for something outside to fix me and them on the right path; I wasn't tuning into the guide and the one who knows THE WAY - the Holy Spirit. Here's the deal, God who made and loves my children and made me their mom knows what they need. Yes, it is important to have quality curriculum guides and support and materials- but in the end - if you are open to it - He will reveal exactly what your child your needs. I was still acting like a teacher in a group setting trying to create a plan for the "average" and "potential" child - while ignoring the clear needs of the specific child in front of me. I had a gazillion methods but I only needed one chosen to meet a particular child's needs. My kids didn't care how much I knew about curriculum development and design - they wanted to know how much I cared about them. Am I seeing them? Am I helping them? I was trying to teach to an imaginary child - who they should be, when I should have tutored and parented the one sitting in front of me.
The primary redeeming factor of this mess is that God has given me amazing relationships with people from very different perspectives. I never found the "perfect" curriculum but I did find some incredible people to do life with. I was also willing to take a chance on something new so we helped found 5 of those programs listed above. Some of them we built ground up, others we just brought to our area. What an amazing privilege and opportunity. Some of them are going strong and others were for just a season.
We probably could have survived the many waves of trial and error and philosophy changes if I had anchored myself in studying my kids and meeting their needs. Homeschooling is NOT classroom teaching and you can't just bring school home and expect success. I had trouble marrying my philosophy with the children I loved in a way that made sense. In the end, I too often chose the philosophy, curriculum and plan over the needs of the child in the moment. I made the wrong choice.
You can see my other confessions here.
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