Confessions: Wishy Washy Mama

When I started homeschooling all the veteran moms talked to me about obedience and consistency.  I thought that obedience - that "do what I say now" - was probably a bit old fashioned.  I wanted my kids to be independent thinkers - to give them choices.  Consistency was tough - I wasn't always sure what the right way was so being consistent was hard (plus I couldn't remember what I said - more about that later).  I am sure that while I explained about choices and emotional needs of children, they were nodding their heads and thinking "bless her heart" and "I hope that works for you". 

In the end, obedience is primarily about listening and discerning.  We think of it as slavish and unthinking, which to our modern ears, seems naive and possibly dangerous.  However, if you are under a good and right authority being obedient is the most restful and comfortable place to be.  In the end, that's what I want for my kids while they are in my home.  I want them (especially when they are little) to rest in the fact that mom and dad are doing what is best for them.  I want them to obey because they trust that we have their best interests at heart.  As the adult, that means I need to know, do and expect the good for my children.  Honestly, the only way to truly work this out in your life is through prayer, the Word and community.  I didn't do this well; I was wishy washy and it made it harder for my kids to find "green pastures" and follow my lead.  Too often I was hoping that the next hill over would solve our problems. 

There are some simple things I should have done differently:

1.  Stick with the plan  So many times I said "we are leaving in five minutes" and it turned into 20 or 30 or more.  I wanted to be with my friends but I should have stuck to my word.  I was teaching my kids that my word isn't sure. I love to explore and try new things (I'll do a whole post on that) but to my kids that looks like changing my mind and uncertainty.  Last school year, my oldest would tease me that if he just waited a few weeks, things would change. At times, this went beyond a joke and became straight up disobedience. I had taught him that the directions would change so he didn't REALLY have to follow them. UGH!

2.  Talk less.  I had heard that you should only give directions that you mean to enforce.  I ignored this advice.  I verbally process and think aloud often and so my kids were used to a barrage of words.  They realized that half the things I said, were half heartedly said and never followed up on.  In the end I was teaching them that sometimes I meant it and sometimes I didn't.  It became a guessing game for them.  They knew I meant it when I started raising my voice, repeating it often enough or otherwise showing them who is boss.  Nobody enjoyed that. I know consistency is super difficult when you have littles.  I should have done less more faithfully.   I should only have given directions if I meant what I said.  In the midst of my many words I would forget what I said.  I should save my words so that we can all remember them!

3.  Give them fewer decisions.  I thought young children should practice making decisions to become better at it.   Charlotte Mason gives the opposite directive and I should have listened.  Decision making  is one of the most difficult things to do and we shouldn't burden our children with it.  Decision fatigue is a real thing - for all of us.  In my quest to help them learn how to "make choices" - I provided too many for myself and for them.  I went with the more is better principle.  It was the wrong path.  They don't need more breakfast choices, clothing choices or options in their studies.  What they need is a few "curated" decisions.  I pick two outfits and they pick the final one.  I make them breakfast and they choose to eat it or not eat it.  I don't give them a box of books (or tons of toys) to choose from - I pick three and we go from there.  I wanted my kids to have tons of options and enjoy them.  In the end, we had too much stuff and no peace.  I needed to be the adult and make more decisions for them.  This is only for a short season.  Once they hit nine or ten - they will need to start making more decisions for themselves. 

4.  Look them in the eye and tell them what you want.  Too often I was yelling directions from somewhere and expecting them to follow them.  When they didn't, I would get frustrated - didn't you hear me?  Sometimes they did, sometimes they didn't, but by now we were both frustrated. I needed to have the discipline to get myself ready and then focus on them and be with them as I gave directions.  I should have slowed down, been near them and clearly helped them with what needed to be done. I made excuses but essentially it boils down to being too busy and not being disciplined to get myself ready first. 

5.  Always give the same answer.  My husband and I are pretty good about backing each other up when it comes to kids asking one and then the other.  We probably should have been a bit more strict when they even tried this little tactic (often right in front of the other parent, after they didn't get the "right" answer).  It is essential that we present a united front - even if we didn't always fully agree with the decision.  They tried this just yesterday - it still doesn't work. 

6.  Act under authority.  One reason we keep our kids home is because we want to build relationships and believe that education is more of a life. This allows for tons of freedom.  If we aren't careful this can begin to look like we just do whatever we want, however we want, whenever we want.  However, it can be overwhelming because it also requires self discipline.  No one is guiding you and checking in on you. You have to walk that difficult balance of freedom and responsibility.  If you focus too much on the freedom your kids begin to think that life is all about what they want to do.  If you just choose the fun parts and leave out the hard parts - your kids will follow suit. You need to model being under authority. 

For a while I had trouble singing or teaching my kids the song "Trust and Obey" - that seemed very limiting and unwise.  I was the foolish one.  As Parker J. Palmer says, "to teach is to create a space in which obedience to truth is practiced."  We, as parents, are teaching all the time.  We are always worshiping and obeying something and our kids are following suit.  Too often, I was just following my own whim or the most recent book I read.  Instead of leading them to the sure foundation, I was building on shifting sands. They couldn't discern and listen and follow the truth because I wasn't doing that.  Then I wondered where their attitudes, confusion and willfulness came from. 

Young children need to trust that their parents have a plan and it is a good one. They need to trust that I know what was is best and they should follow me. Too often I allowed them to present an argument, make an excuse or not follow through.  I second guessed myself and forgot where my authority came from.  I was teaching them obedience is optional and that truth is hard to grasp. 

As I Christian, I trust that the best life is the one where you submit and follow Jesus.  However, I have to model that daily.  They need to know that I am under authority and obey and they should do likewise.  Often, out of fear, we shy away from the authority we are entrusted with and the obedience it requires.  Just because it has and can be abused and used poorly does not mean that it is inherently bad. Parenting requires you to choose rightly and exercise your authority so that it is a refuge and strength for your children.  This is a tall task and even more so when your children are around you ALL THE TIME.  Extend yourself grace, allow yourself to repent and keep yourself under submission to the God who knows their souls (and yours) and can lead you in paths of life. 

Confessions: Prayer (or lack thereof)

This is part of the series Confessions of a Homeschool Dropout. If you follow my blog you know it is mostly about education practice and theory. This year, our life changed and my older kids are in school.  I don't know if this is a permanent change or not. This series is about what I would have done differently if I could start over again.

I was prideful.  I thought my college education, my classroom experiences, my prior jobs, my resume would be enough to carry me through this parenting and homeschooling deal.  If there were holes- I read a book or blog (or 4), listened to a podcast or tried a new coop.  At first, I didn't even see the holes or thought that they were just small issues - time would fix it or I would.  My lips proclaimed Christian education ideals, with God at the center.  However, my private life wasn't prayerful - at all.  I didn't live like God had to show up for us to make it. I didn't actually intercede for my kids; I complained and read.  I didn't listen for God's voice; I sought the expert opinion (witness my blog).  I didn't consider how my children were uniquely made; I tried to fit them in a mold (either mine or the world's).  I lectured my children instead of lifting their hearts and needs to the author and perfecter of their faith. I worked out of my own strength most of the time and I was tired.  It also didn't help my children - at all.  The experts didn't know my children, the mold didn't fit them well and all of that trying wore us out!

If I could do it again I would be MUCH more prayerful.  I would not open a book or blog until I had at least asked God about the subject.  I would recognize problems as an opportunity for God to step in and trust that he would - in his time.  I wouldn't take it all so personally, but I would address it prayerfully. I would see the solitude of being at home as an opportunity to learn more about prayer - to do it, enjoy it and realize that is probably the best impact I could be making most days.  His work in the world is enough. I would see that I can participate with him around the world by being mindful of my world and joyfully join him in it.  Instead I often saw being home as limiting, a trap - I was trying to find ways out to be important and useful.  I missed the opportunity that being home provided me - there was no one and nothing stopping me from seeking God and growing in my faith - except me.  I didn't do it.  I didn't do everything as onto Jesus.  I didn't take the time to be still, to listen, to learn to be faithful in the small things. I missed the blessing and so did my kids. 

I am praying more now.  If you are just starting the journey I encourage you to be prayerful.  It truly is the only thing that can change you or your children.  There is a time for books, experts, lectures and norms - but AFTER you have sought His face first.  I am getting better at seeking him first.  I am a slow learner though. 

The Freedom of Not Knowing

Watching my oldest learn to play violin has made me realize something about myself.  He just changed teachers in January and in the past three months has worked hard and improved significantly. His teacher knows his stuff and challenges my son well.  As I look at how far he has come and celebrate; I know that his teacher looks at where he is and focuses on how much further he has to go. This is rare for me.  I am often the focusing on his future instead of being with him in the present moment.  It is my loss.  

What is the difference? 

I trust the guide.   Between my in-laws (his patrons) and his teacher I know that they are making the best choices for him.  It puts me in the unique position (especially as a homeschooling mom) to sit back and celebrate with him.  I don't stress about what he "should" be doing and when - because I don't know.  I can't critique his work well so I just enjoy it for what it is.  I can see that he is improving in his own ways because I am not comparing him to some other standard in my head.  

What if I did this more with my children?  What if I focused on celebrating how far they have come instead of fretting over what I know they don't know - yet?  What if I just trusted someone who has been at it longer than I have and followed their steps - instead of constantly trying to create my own path?  What if I was more of a cheerleader instead of a fault finder?  What if I made choices out of love and joy instead of fear of what he is missing, or doesn't know?  

The truth is, in the end, I really don't know what my child's path will be.  However, I know the one who does.  Am I leaning into His wisdom and grace and love for my son?  Am I trusting that He is a good guide, so I can enjoy the journey?  Am I rejoicing in who this child is and how God has made him - uniquely - not in the snowflake way - but in the sense that God doesn't make mistakes and knows this child better than I do.  Do I trust too much on my own understanding (often founded in fear) to the peril of our relationship?  Why do I not trust the one who created him and promises a "good plan" - not an easy, happy go lucky one - but a good one in the truest sense of the word?

Sometimes, being in the dark has its advantages.  This has been a sweet surprise for me - the trying -to - retire - control freak.  

I'm a believer . . . in schedules

I can't believe I just typed that phrase.  I realize this is day two of "my new leaf" but this one is worth continuing.  Have you seen the somewhat complicated charts for CM schools?   At first glance they look very detailed and overwhelming - honestly, I just have 2 kids (in school).  After spending lots of time playing with them and referring back to Sabbath Mood Homeschool's scheduling ideas I decided it couldn't hurt.  I had made up about four versions but hadn't even tried it once.  So this week we tried it!

Prior scheduling methods:  
I have tried some types of organization in the past.

The Notebook Method: In my version I just wrote out the subjects that needed to be accomplished every day and we tried to move through them during the day.  Often in little bits and unconnected.

Block Scheduling:  Here we had a set amount of work that had to be accomplished in a slightly longer time frame.  So, I might have Latin (30 minutes), Math (30 minutes), Science Reading (20 minutes) and set aside an hour and forty - five minutes for that.

At times these went together so he would look in his notebook to see what was to be accomplished during that block.

I realize now that my oldest saw all of these as points of contention and possible change.  He respects a clear schedule WAY more than I thought he would.  I was giving him too much responsibility and he needs more structure to move in the right direction and he seems okay with it.  I was surprised. (We listened to the Parable of Nature story that goes along with this idea this week - convenient and convicting).

First, the key principles I used to develop my CM inspired time table (mostly found here):

1.  Switch off subjects - math to reading, easy to difficult, active to sitting still.

2.  We start with math every day.  That just seems to work.

3.  I had to tweak A LOT because we are (maybe foolishly) a part of two co-ops so I have MUCH less time to work with.

4.  Short lessons have always been a staple of our work - but not in quick and organized succession.

4.  Think about who needs your help when - dictation (part of the time), math (as needed), if I want to read aloud that is full attention.   Plan accordingly.

Why I am impressed: 

1.  It actually helped my 4 yo the most.  Isn't that strange?  He wants to "do school" but he missed out this week.  He decided to throw a fit and when he calmed down, we had moved on to other things and he missed it.  This is one of the first things that has made him think twice about his behavior.  As CM says "one time is not as good as another" - this is a lesson my whole family needs to learn!

2.  Today a miracle occurred, the 4 yo and 2 yo played together NICELY for an extended period of time.  This has NEVER happened (in fact, normally the 4 yo is threatening said 2 yo).  However, I think he realized that she was his only option because everyone else was busy working.  I did NOT see this benefit coming.  It may not last - but one day was glorious.

3.  It does help my oldest to realize that nothing lasts forever and a lot can be done in a little bit of time with focus.  He has also whined significantly less. I don't feel like I am constantly prodding and nagging him to see what he has accomplished.  He was also pretty impressed with how much he did in a little bit of time and was excited that school was done by noon (there was normally something hanging around until after lunch in our former systems).  

4.  We actually did Spanish, handicrafts and painting this week.   You would have thought I was the MOST amazing mom the way my 7 yo praised my wise inclusion of painting in his schedule.  He was ecstatic.  My 10 yo explained to my husband tonight that he is a "plastic canvaser" - since that was the easiest handicraft for me to pull together and seemed like something we could be successful at accomplishing.

5.  Wow!  10 minutes is a LONG time for memory work.  I need to get that more organized.

6.  It made me sit and focus on school.  I felt like I was leading and kids were following. What a difference!

The rough edges: 

1.  Some similar subjects still ended up too close together.

2.  I put some things (like geography) on the schedule that I don't actually have "work" to do with it yet - so I need to find that to plug in.

3.  I need to learn about watercolor painting and brush up on my Spanish some more.

4.  There are a few kinks to work out to make sure I am available to kids as they need me. For a first run I think it went pretty well.

5. We will move the play/ songs to earlier in the schedule. (I learned that Amazon music has some good quality Spanish kids songs).

6.  I need to make sure we have enough time to complete assignments that have to be done for co-op.  Much of CM is about doing the next thing - you have some general idea of how much material you want to cover but it is about maximizing time - not page counts.  That's not the way co-op assignments are set up - but I think we can navigate that pretty easily.  They all fit in categories I have on the schedule.  

There are still a few things we need to better organize - afternoons, read aloud loops (in the car and at home).  However, we are making some strides in the right direction.  We did read much more this week than we have recently.

People talk about the freedom that a schedule brings.  I get it now!  I wasn't constantly juggling subjects in my head and wondering where we were in the day - I just looked up and did the next thing.  I did not have nearly the decision fatigue I normally have at the end of the day.  It also greatly reduced our battles because EVERYONE could see what the plan was - they weren't having to guess or wonder. This might be a life changing, leaf turning for me.

I resisted a strict and specific schedule for a long time.  Now I realize it was my loss.  We'll see how week 2 goes!

Wednesday with Words: Educating the Child at Home

I was tipped off about Educating the Child at Home by Ella Frances Lynch as I was trolling the Well Trained Mind boards.  Free, old google book about education - I love it!

Although published in 1914, this book deals with many of the same issues we discuss today (overcrowding, testing, child's needs not getting met, etc.)   The more I read older books about education the more I realize that there aren't that many "modern" problems - these issues have been with us all along.  Her arguments for teaching from home sound VERY familiar.  She also doesn't pull any punches - this is how she describes the rise of schooling:

It is, after all, nothing but a wholly artificial institution which is an outgrowth of the parents' shirking of their highest duty to unload it upon paid substitutes. 

YIKES!  Tell us what you really think?

She is also adamant that character education is first.

Teach these essentials: How to work; that "Heaven is not reached at a single bound"; that habits early formed determine character and destiny; that "genius is an infinite capacity for taking pains"; that "He that ruleth his own spirit is greater than he that taketh a city"; that tomorrow will soon be yesterday; that we must make our opportunities, not wait for them; that all work is ennobling, idleness unfruitful, degrading, abhorrent to Go and man. 

At what age then, should these essentials be acquired?  They should unquestionably be mastered before the age of ten.  (emphasis mine)

She further encourages us that

Her book discusses the issue of the day, in 1914, the difference between rural country schools and the now developing city schools.  She is an advocate for this aspect of "country schooling"

Promotions were not scheduled simply for year-ends, but came on whatever day the ambitious student proved himself ready to do the work of the next higher class.  

What if I did that at home?  She also explains that

Subjects are taught at the wrong time - fed on definitions and mathematics during the most imaginative early years, then later on with poetry just when the reasoning powers manifest themselves and demand different food.   Mathematics are taught as memory subjects, and literary masterpieces for analysis.   

Her discussion of poetry has been helpful to me.  I will probably have to post what I am learning about poetry from these older books later.

She is also an advocate for less is more, as she says:

Undoubtedly, by teaching four instead of eight subjects a day, we obtain such desirable results as: thoroughness, continuous thinking, and a knowledge of what is really essential.

I am not sure what to think of this.  Mason recommends short varied lessons through this age group because we can really only focus for about 20 minutes at a time.  In another article she discusses combining Bible, Latin and English together as one subject - an interesting thought.

Here is what really gets me - remember 1914

"The course of study is not planned with a view to the different stages of mental development."  in the effort to teach young children what ought to be reserved for an older age, subjects that call for reasoning-power and judgement, and therefore belong to the high school or later period have worked their way downward, step by step, until they permeate even the primary grades . . . 

On the other hand, the teaching of memory subjects, such as the languages, is long deferred, even to the high-school years.  Here again the remedy may be had for the choosing.  Up to the age of ten the child is concerned chiefly with recording impressions, observing, forming habits, getting himself adjusted to a world quite new to him, storing up information that in later years will be reviewed in the light of reason.  It is the seed-time, not the time of fruit-bearing.  (emphasis mine)

She emphasizes ten as the age of change.  My oldest is just now ten and I know I have not always done right by the stage he was in.  God will redeem but I want to do it differently with my younger ones.

Finally here is her set of questions for including materials in your curriculum.

Here are a few more that I just love - she is very quotable. 

I thought this was hilarious (I am the mom of 3 boys): 

And finally some encouragement as you wrap up this year and head to the next: 

Honestly, I am most inspired by her vision to change schooling.  Original thinking and great ideas that meet the real needs of kids.  I didn't touch on that here. So much in these few pages.

See what others are reading at Ladydusk. 

Individual Skill Building Work - Part 3 of our day

As I continue to outline our day I come to our last "planned" segment.  The first one is our morning read alouds - pretty much the same material every day (Bible, poetry, memory work, etc.).  The second segment is our daily subject read alouds.  We average 2 subjects a day for about 15 to 20 minutes each spread throughout the day.  Really, those two parts are where we are exposed to great ideas, connect with the past, and enjoy literature and poetry.  In most schools these areas have to take a back seat to more skill based work.  For me, at this age, this is where lots of the real learning is happening.  Now we will talk about the third element, the one we automatically think about when it comes to school, reading, writing and arithmetic.

This year I have increased my almost 8 yo's work in this area and so far he has mostly risen to the challenge (with some whining).  Here is what he is expected to cover everyday.  Instead of using page numbers, we try to spend a certain amount of time on each subject.  Some days are better than others with this approach. Without further ado, here are our skill areas:

Reading 

25 minutes a day (15 to 20 minutes reading and 5 to 10 minute response time)

For reading we rotate the subject read and how we respond to it.  Most days he does some type of narration for what he reads and might have an additional response.  Here is what he is reading right now: 

The Bible - soon this time will also include our Pilgrim's Progress book from Sunday School

Science - Christian Liberty Nature Reader, Book 3 - he has been drawing diagrams and writing down one key idea from what he has read (labeled an ant and wrote a flies life cycle so far)

Literature - This year we are reading through the 3rd grade literature suggested by Memoria Press. However, we aren't using the reading guide - just the composition guide.  Here he is instructed to summarize a short passage in three sentences.  I typically write down his "final" draft and then he does it as copywork.
Right now we are reading Farmer Boy which is the only one we haven't read in the Little House series so he was excited to get to read it.  Likewise, we are using CC grammar and the grammar "catechism" found in Living Memory by Andrew Campbell (it ties in nicely with a comparison of English and Latin grammar). Once in a while we will start working on poetry here as well.

History - We are reading from Lives of the Presidents Told In Words of One Syllable.   He has a notebook where he writes down the name of the president and the length of his term.  I also pick out one or two sentences for studied dictation.  This is the first time we've done this and it is tough, but good, for him.

Reader - Once a week I also have him read from an old reader.  Right now he is working from a reader that I honestly don't know the name of.  EEK!  I printed it out last year - it says level 3 and the stories come from old folk tales, norse mythology, etc.  It's a good one and I will try to figure out where I found it!

I am finding that he probably reads too fast and isn't really comprehending.  This is the first time he has ever had to do this.  So, I probably need to have him narrate smaller sections and just encourage him to slow down in general.   He comprehends reading aloud just fine - but reading for himself and narrating is tougher than I expected it to be for him - good skill to learn!  Really, this is the main skill we are learning this year - using a variety of texts and methods.

Math 

20 minutes

This year we are doing the two 3rd grade books associated with Miquon math (yellow and purple books).  He really enjoys these books and he just "gets" math.  I don't think my middle one will use this series - he needs much more structure.  These books cover a variety of math topics in no particular order.  I allow him to pick a section or topic to work on in the book but he has to start with the first page in that section and work through it.  So far it has been working well - he feels more in control but really he is just learning/ reviewing lots of different math concepts.  I expect at the end of the year we will begin to use a more "traditional" program to make sure we haven't skipped any concepts.  Maybe we'll use MEP or the Math Mammoth that I already have one hand. We'll see.

Violin 

20 minutes

We are currently taking Suzuki lessons.  So he practices old songs, learns his new ones and has about 5 minutes of theory every day.  Really, grandma takes care of this and I just oversee his progress.

Spelling

10 minutes

This year we are doing spelling as a separate subject because he REALLY needs it.  I started at the very beginning (with 40 words a week) and am working my way up.  I am using Reading Lessons Through Literature by Kathy Jo Devore.  I do have Spell to Write and Read, but the RLTL program is so much easier to use and with my younger sons it uses the Elson readers to help them learn to connect reading and spelling together.  

I am also pleasantly surprised at how copywork and especially studied dictation is helping him to learn some more complicated (and probably more age appropriate spelling words).   For now this is a good combination - making sure he has the basics (seriously - the word "you" is on his list this week) and some challenge in spelling.  

Grammar - Latin and Primary Language Lessons 

15 minutes

Originally I planned for him to work on both Latina Christiana and Primary Language Lessons daily but realized that was going to be too much.  So, instead I consider these both Grammar and he does them each 2 or 3 times a week.  I want him to complete both books in about 3 semesters (or 4 or 5 trimesters).  Right now he feels that Latina Christiana is too simple because he learned how to do first conjugation last year - but it picks up quickly (he hasn't met a declension yet) and I think it will be a good challenge for him. Primary Language Lessons has more writing than my son is used to so it is a good stretch for him.  In the past he was just doing copywork and now he longs for just copywork!  Cracks me up.

I typically allow him to choose the order of his work and just help set the timer and stick around to help out with questions and reminders to stay on task.  So although this supposed to be "individual work" we aren't there yet.  I do keep him on task.  Sometimes we will have a snack and read aloud in the middle of this work to break it up and still get "work" done.

We try to cover these subjects in the morning before lunch.  However, we have a regular commitment coming up for his education that might mess that schedule up.  It has been great to regularly have school (except for maybe a read aloud or 2) done by noon.  Fortunately we have had some great afternoon activities and fun with friends.  We'll see how this continues now that "regular" school is in session and with my middle one starting his preK program.  I guess there is one more element to our studies - our "car" studies - basically things that we will listen to on CD in the car.  I will cover that another day.

Again, hopefully this will give you an idea of resources available, different ways you can use them to your benefit and ways you can structure your time with your kids.  There is no one "right" way but it always helps me to pick up hints from other people about how they are structuring their time and studies.

Circle Time, Part 2 - Read Alouds

Since most of my children are on the younger side I keep our morning circle time short.  We do however try to read throughout the day, normally in conjunction with food or playing with building toys.  This might become more complicated as we add in more commitments throughout the semester - but for now it is working well.  I really like the Latin Centered Curriculum idea where you focus on one (okay, I do two) subjects a day and read aloud/ narrate from that subject.  I like the concept of loops - but have found that assigning specific days and leaving extra cushion on Friday works better for me.  I also have 4 potential times I can read aloud any day- morning snack or break, lunch, afternoon snack or handicraft time and then dinner.  I might even try bed time (more for catch up in Bible if needed).  

I also add in literature - in the past we have had literature scheduled 3x per week with English Lessons Through Literature, but we are taking a break from that curriculum this year.  I just read a chapter of our literature books chosen from Ambleside as the kids request it (we are reading Caddie Woodlawn and Brighty of the Grand Canyon right now).  I am not doing Ambleside's main literature works this term because they are scheduled elsewhere for me - so I picked ones that reflect American history since that is the CC history focus this year.

Monday - Science/ Literature (see above)

Pagoo - once the boys heard it was a hermit crab they were hooked - we have 3 of them!

CC's focus is on anatomy this semester so we are probably going to grab facts and information from this print out a friend of ours passed along (it is a free PDF but it takes a while to download).  I did think about trying out the Sassafras Science curriculum on anatomy but decided it just didn't fit the budget or time schedule this year.

Tuesday - The Classics 

D'Aulaires' Greek Myths - we are reading this according to the schedule outlined in Introduction to Classical Studies 

Shakespeare - My son has already listened to many of the stories from Tales from Shakespeare and I know that it is scheduled in the curriculum we will use next year for literature, so I am doing something different this year. A while back I got Shakespeare's Storybook which is a collection folk tales that he might have known and have similar themes and plots to his own stories.  We read the first one last week and my son keeps quoting me the main line "soft words and a gentle touch" - OUCH!   I am reading and thinking about the suggestions from How to Teach Your Children Shakespeare.   I am also thinking about reading the bard myself - crazy, I know!  I also found a book called The Children's Shakespeare by Edith Nesbit. I can't tell if it is the same as Beautiful Stories from Shakespeare or something separate.  I need to investigate more.  I have it checked out from the library but haven't read it.  If I like it we might read that next semeseter.

Wednesday - American History and Geography, Artist/ Composer

States and Presidents - Since CC is focusing on US history and geography this year, we are reading aloud fun books about these two areas to help give them an overview of history.  We are reading Smart About the Fifty States, Smart About the Presidents, Don't Know Much about the Presidents and Don't Know Much about the 50 States.  Honestly, much of the information is duplicated but my kids really like it.  I wanted to use something that was accessible to the almost 5 yo.  My oldest is also reading about the presidents on his own as part of his reading/ composition time.

Artist/ Composer - We are following the Ambleside suggestions for that this year (in the past we have used the art incorporated in English Language Lessons Through Literature - similar types of selections).  I did decide that we like medieval art and Fra Angelico has some interesting depictions - so I got the set of prints (not the whole book) from Simply Charlotte Mason.  I just ordered them so they haven't arrived yet.  We also have

We also checked out the composers' CD from the library and my husband is looking for it on Freegal. Honestly, we will listen to it in the car and I might tell them a little about the history.

Thursday - Ancient History/ Geography 

Famous Men of Rome is what we are reading this year following the outline in Introduction to Classical Studies.  I decided not to get the workbook, just the text, because we are going to narrate it.  I do like having the weekly outline in the book because it helps highlight key characters, places, themes and helps us pace our readings well.  The suggestion is to read these three works for three years.  However, I plan to tweak it - keep the basics - Bible, Ancient History, Mythology - but change the works that we use (Sutcliffe, Men of Greece, etc.)

We are following Marco Polo using the handy week by week text provided through Ambleside online. This text reads more as an adventure story than anything else - I will have to make sure I do try to focus on the geography a little bit.  Today, though we reviewed quite a few places we learned last year in CC which was nice.

Friday - Literature

We read more chapters from our literature books than what is "scheduled" because the kids enjoy them. Plus, it's a way to calm them down when they are rowdy and it is 98 outside!  Although I do try to remember the caution to not read too fast (thus the reason for two books at a time). But, I have it on the schedule in case we get really busy.

The Wrap Up 

In the end, this might be too much for us to actually remember the stories well.  I have weighted Tuesday and Thursday with the "older" subjects because those are the days my 5 yo will be at preschool.  I don't think he is ready for Greek Myths or Famous Men of Rome yet.   So far, he mostly plays with his little brother or eats when we read these anyway.   Once he starts "back to school" (I picked the most playful preschool I could find) my oldest and I will probably read these while the youngest sleeps (hopefully) - a new (5th chance) time slot for reading aloud.   Again, each day we are really talking about 20 to 30 minutes of concentrated read aloud time. Since I often have 2 subjects in a day I will break it up - read one at morning snack and one mid afternoon.   If the day is really hectic, when my husband comes home, he takes the younger ones (to a bath usually) and I cover what we haven't read with the oldest.

Writing it out like this made me realize that I need to be more intentional about reading books that are at my almost 5 yo's level.  We have been reading aloud from 20th Century Children's Book Treasury (many of the stories we have elsewhere, but someone gave us this collection).  I need to pick a few chapter books like Paddington Bear and Among the Farmyard People (etc.) and some Beatrix Potter and read it aloud to him.  I'll work on that :)  Really, I just need to pick a reading plan from Pathways (it's a free list of good literature, in a schedule, for PreK4 and 5) and put it in our schedule.

This year we are doing dual track history, in large part because CC is doing American history.  We'll see how that goes.  My son is really interested in the myths so it's not hard to get him to engage in that part of what we are doing and I have kept the American history reading light and fun.

So this is the second "element" of our day.  We have our daily read aloud work (morning circle time) and our rotating read aloud work (as it fits into that day).  This is where the "ideas" come from, the story, the connection to art, history, music and more. The last part of our day is individual work. This is where he is developing skills (all the -ings and math/ Latin) as he "imitates the masters and moves towards mastery".  I will cover that in another post!

Beauty in the Word: Chapter 1

This is part of the continuing informal look at Beauty in the Word by Stratford Caldecott with Cindy at Ordo-Amoris.

I have read this book before and, as with all good books, a second reading provides totally different thoughts and insights.  I won't attempt to cover all the territory he does.  I'll just say that I have spent a lot of time looking into educational philosophy and I think he does a good job of putting these different approaches into a nutshell.  I am going to pull just a few quotes that really struck me as I try to homeschool my kids - and convict me about my own attempts at education.

Purity

To be pure is to be simple, in the sense of undivided.  For every sin sets part of me against the rest.  Impurity involves a loss of integrity, of integration; it is a dissonance, a crack in the mirror of the soul.  

Equating purity with simplicity and focus opens up a whole new realm of sin in my life. It is one that I have been wrestling with recently - but it was unnamed - which made it even harder to "pin down".   I am often divided in my attention - in my thoughts, conversations, readings, organization systems, etc.  I recently had a friend join me in an effort to de-stuff my house of all the things that I really don't need.  She was shocked at how many "organization" type things I have - that I don't need - because it holds stuff that I just need to get rid of!  My physical surroundings are reflecting my inner state and it has really been brought to a head these past few weeks.

I live up to my name - Melissa, honey bee - so I do collect ideas and thoughts, stuff and even friends. However, if it isn't submitted to him then I begin to get very chaotic, lost and frustrated.  Everyone around me feels it as well.   I do think that there are areas where I need to do less or get rid of things that aren't mine to carry.  But much of it is reminding myself who my audience is - am I focusing on what God is calling me to do or am I listening to all of the other voices around me?  It is when I start dividing myself in an effort to appease others that my purity of heart is lost - that life gets "unsimple" and sin creeps in.

As I enter into planning for next year this purity of heart and purpose needs to guide my thinking.

Attention

She (Simone Weil) almost goes so far as to say that the subject studied and its contents are irrelevant; the important thing, the real goal of study, is the 'development of attention.'  Why? Because prayer consists of attention, and all worldly study is really a stretching of the soul towards prayer.  

I read the essay and she does come close to saying that - but not quite.  In her own words

So it comes about that, paradoxical as it may seem, a Latin prose or a geometry problem,
even though they are done wrong, may be of great service one day, provided we devote the right kind of effort to them. Should the occasion arise, they can one day make us better able to give someone in affliction exactly the help required to save him, at the supreme moment of his need. 

Basically, she is reminding us that the mastering the content is not the only lesson learned in our studies. Failure teaches as much as success - and extended attention - regardless of outcome, has merit.   In fact these things are "subordinate to the orienting of the soul to God, implicit in the act of attention." 

Are my children able to pay attention to things that I don't consider "academic" but do show that they can focus (LEGOS anyone)?   Can I trust that this is developing their ability to pay attention?  Do I give them time in their schedule to really pay attention to things or do I keep them moving at a steady clip?  

This actually gets to a key difference between Montessori and CM.  Montessori maintains that kids will get absorbed in their learning and pay attention for extended periods of time once they are "normalized".  CM, encourages short lessons so that you don't lose a child's interest, gradually lengthening their focus time.  I think what Montessori observes is more along  the lines of what what Csiksezentmihalyi calls "flow". 

Authority 

The teacher must therefore be the one who submits first.  He must submit to God and to the objective truth he hopes to teach.  It is only in the name of that prior obedience, and the limitations it implies, that the teacher has a right to demand obedience of the student.  It follows from this also that genuine authority must grow in proportion to humility. 

So, it is about my submission prior to my child's obedience and submission.  This goes back to purity of heart and attention.  Am I submitting to the task that He has given me or making up my own projects, interests and diversions?  Am I under his authority or letting someone else hold more sway?   This is the only way, especially in the long run, to help my sons understand proper authority and obedience.  The Godly use of authority should lead to humility - but does it?  Am I trying to Lord my authority over my children or am I demonstrating what humble submission looks like?   

Finally,

To make the content of the curriculum relevant to the everyday life of the pupil, it is essential not to shrink the content to match the pupil's present experience, but to expand the life of the pupil to match the proposed curriculum. 

This reminds me of the feast metaphor that CM uses often.   So, in the first chapter we see three key ideas - purity, attention and authority - that could easily guide our schooling.  That's not even the point of this chapter! 

Interruptions or real life?

I read Blessings of a Life Interrupted last week and it has stuck with me.  Her discussion of a childhood in school, isolated from the ups and downs of life, really struck me.  It is so true.  School gave me an unrealistic picture of life.  She talks about big life changes, but I also think about the little things - the grocery store, cleaning the house, preparing dinner.  All of these things happened around me - but I either didn't see them happen (because I was in school) or helping with them was somewhat optional.  I was always at school or doing homework or in some activity that was deemed more important than these life sustaining activities.   My parents actually battled over this choice - often - but in the end, school and activities were deemed more important.  (One line of thinking is that this was our job and it could get us scholarships - well that did work out - especially for my brother).

Fast forward about 20 years and now that my whole life revolves around these thing - I am a little overwhelmed.  I was shielded from them in my youth because they were "less important" but now they are my main job! Talk about a change of perspective.

Since we homeschool there is no sheltering for my kids in this sense.  They go the grocery store (people always comment how brave I am to take them there).  They see me cook most evenings.  They help me clean, although I am still figuring this one out for myself.  In part, because I still see reading as more important than sweeping the kitchen floor or folding clothes.  My kids are around the real life stuff we have to do and I need to be better about making sure they are not just observers but active participants.

I also resonated deeply with this thought:

And then it hit me. I wasn’t managing to teach my kids in spite of life’s interruptions; I was teaching them something far more valuable. I was teaching them how to live life. Real life. The life that is messy and is filled with unexpected difficulties. Not the “real life” that only exists on paper and in my imagination. The real life that I never experienced as a child and was completely unprepared to encounter as an adult. 

We have been reading Desiring the Kingdom for book club  and talking about habits and how they form us.  Take a minute to think about what the form of school (home, private, public or otherwise) says to children about:  

• knowledge and wisdom? (Where we get it? How we learn it? Who has it? What is worth knowing?)
• home? (how it fits into the scheme of things? what you should learn there?)
• friends?  (where we find them? how we relate to them? why we form friendships with them? how we deal with them during recess/ at the park?)
• priorities? (time? talent? treasure?) 
• parents? (authority? type of subjects they know about?) 
• siblings (relationships with them?) 
• school? (where it happens? it's value? who we learn with? who we learn from?) 
• play? (time for it? who you do it with?)

My family probably went to one extreme by putting school as the middle of all things. But I don't think it is too rare for us to put kids' school work and activities above the "every day" tasks.  Likewise, when the big events happen - instead of taking time to mourn or rejoice or even deal with it as a family - we often take as few days off of school as possible.   At least our family did.

I do realize that in some ways going to school is like going to a job.  There is some value in that analogy. But I am not convinced that having a job should be the most defining characteristic of our kids.  I also wonder if we start instilling - through unexpected habits - workaholism, performance based achievement and other similar issues because of the way we deal with school.

If one of our primary goals is for our kids to leave and cleave; they will have to shoulder the every day tasks and deal with unexpected interruptions with someone else right beside them (and maybe many little eyes watching them).  Are we equipping them?

Homeschool reflection and Bible study - Abiding

This semester our women's Bible study at church is going through the Gospel Centered Life.  I've enjoyed a study that focuses on the basics in a refreshing way.  This past week we discussed the prodigal son - or as I prefer to think of it - the story of two sons.  One of the questions asked us to tell how the son's stories were similar.  I immediately noticed, for the first time, that the father let both of them go.  We then had a short discussion about how difficult it would be as the father to let your son go - knowing that he was probably heading for trouble.  However, he let the older son go too.  Yes, he was basically working in the back field, but he let him go about working in his own way.  A way that was obviously disconnected from the heart of the father and his brother (as we learn at the end of the parable).  One of the older members wistfully said "He will let you go" and I was struck.

How many times have I pursued my own dreams and plans in an attempt to honor God?  So, he lets me go. My work looks decent and right in general - but the father knows my heart.  He is calling me back to him, again. Reminding me that leaning on my own understanding is not wisdom; no matter how pious the work looks and how many people it "helps".  I was working in my own strength and didn't keep close to his heart. Sometimes I even whined, like the older brother, "I am working hard here - for you - why is this happening?" In his providence, he has gently sent mentors and friends.  They help me recognize that I have decided to live in the back field.  They remind me that God is not seeking activity for his sake - he is interested in my heart.
 
His desire is for me to believe in the one he sent and stay connected to the vine.  Rather than receive Christ's riches, I am relying on my own rags.  Why does it feel better to work my own plan in the backyard than to rest in my father's presence?  Oh wait - PRIDE!  He'll let you go and look for you everyday on the horizon awaiting your return (or set out some tea if you are a backyard worker).  He hasn't moved.  You have chosen to believe that someone or something else is better for you.  You have chosen to get your strength from another vine.  We know the other vine isn't living - but it seems alive for the moment.   Does it sound like setting up cisterns?  It is.  In short - idol worship.  

I don't want to be a backyard idol worshiper -not when Abba father is sitting on the porch just waiting for me to turn around!

When I started this reflection I didn't expect this connection.  My homeschooling mentor (this is her last year after 28!) said that one of her primary jobs was to teach her kids to stay connected to the vine.  To help them know his father heart for them and help them to choose his ways over all others. It's about abiding, staying, making yourself at home with him - living with him day to day.

One of my past mentors always spoke about living "moment to moment with Jesus".  That drove me crazy!  I wanted the big picture, the plan, the "event".   He was right.  My friend's life and ministry are a testament to God's willingness to throw the floodgates wide open when we ask for and trust in his care for us.  He's not safe but he is good.

So he will let you go - but his heart is always looking for you to return home - whether it's a long journey or a short walk.  He wants to abide with you.

I am getting it.   Thanks be to God!

Homeschool Reflections - What is your target?

I am privileged to share some insights from a long time friend of mine.  She has homeschooled her 8 children for 28 years!  Her youngest child is in 8th grade and next year he will go to a local public high school.  She homeschooled the oldest two through high school, but the younger children have gone to public school.  So, this year marked her "last, first day of school" at home.  She now has more children who have graduated from high school than have not.  I have been gleaning bits of wisdom from her about this journey. She has graciously allowed me to share some of them with you here. I will break her thoughts up over a few different posts.  She is not about to toot her own horn or write her own book - but I know that her wisdom might help some of us as we enter the fray.

Although I blog a lot about curriculum - because it is tangible and easy - she won't even discuss that with me.  So don't expect suggestions along those lines!

Thought #1 -  What is your target? 

A few years ago she was frustrated by the fact that she didn't get to do glamorous things - like go out to lunch with friends.  She was always home with kids.  She knew that she isn't called to minister to addicts or enter into international missions at this point in her life, but she wished that she could at least mentor someone or invest in something outside of her home. It was at that point that God really challenged her with the idea of "target".  What was her target?  What had he given her to do and was she aiming at that target?  

As a result of this insight she was able to let go of some of the guilt and frustration that comes with feeling like you aren't doing "enough".  This also helped her to focus on the things she should be doing.  Someday soon she will be able to go out for lunches and be able to mentor others more freely -  but that is a new season.  For the season she was in, God clearly communicated that her family was her target.  

So, what is your target? 

Have you asked the question?  Have you thought about who God has clearly put in front of you to minister to and support?  Are you searching for a different target because this one isn't glamorous or as fulfilling as you had hoped?  Do you prefer having multiple targets because then you can't be held accountable if one thing fails - there is a back up plan or excuse?    Do you wonder how your small target could actually make a difference in His kingdom?  

Aiming at other targets (or nothing) doesn't make you a better shot - it makes you miss the mark you have set before you.  I pray that you are willing to submit to the place God has you so that you may do the work he has set before you- whether that's running a household or running a company - it's His place for you.  I have the following Elisabeth Elliott quote up around my house to help me remember this.